I Resolve

...To seek truth, wisdom and beauty...

"Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;

you teach me wisdom in the inmost place." NIV Psalm 51:6

"Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." NIV John 8:32

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair, and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." NIV 1 Peter 3:3, 4

"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair -- every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." NIV Proverbs 2:1-10

....To love...

"Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." NIV Matthew 22:37-40

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." NIV 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

...To pray...

"...if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." NIV 2 Chronicles 7:14

...To serve...

"...But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." NIV Joshua 24:15b

...To rejoice...

"Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." NIV 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Beginning the New Year

I have so many things I want to post about, and I have been taking pictures, mainly of my exploits in the kitchen. But I can't seem to upload my pictures. Blogger just freezes when I try.

So, I'm going to work on that problem in the background, and I'll just post on other things I have on my mind.

I recently ran across a blog called "Pleasant View Schoolhouse". I have, over the course of a few days, read every post in her archive. Anna gave me a new perspective. As amazing and accomplished as she is, what I have taken away is the inspiration to just live. Live, however imperfectly. Over the years, I have overly complicated my life, and really bogged myself down. I have been heavily influenced by Martha (Stewart), and not so much by Marla (Cilley, FLYLady). Since I have a tendency to focus on details (minutiae, really), I am easily swept up attending to inconsequential matters, while letting important things go neglected. Over time, I have become overwhelmed and discouraged and ultimately ineffectual. In the last several months, I have been making some changes in how I approach my days and my duties. Really, I feel like I have been coming out of a sort of a coma - a minimally functional coma. Oh, recovery is good.

Soooooo busy!

I have missed blogging! I have been so busy living my real life that I had to let blogging go for a little while. And I'm back today. I hope this means I'm back to regular blogging but I'm not sure. Some exciting opportunities have come our way at work. My husband and I work together for the same company, which has had a marathon struggle in this economy. It's beginning to look like we are turning a corner, and that means the opportunity to do the real work. And that means adjustments for me in my daily life, and continuing to look for the balance to live it all healthfully and richly.

Recently, Rhoda over at Southern Hospitality posted about balancing blogging with her real life. Would you believe it? I didn't read that post. I didn't want to. Because I didn't want to think about what was working and what was not working. Not just yet. Now I think I am ready.

Today, I rejoined FLY Lady. Do you know her? It's Marla Cilley, who wrote a book and runs a website entirely devoted to helping people gain control of their lives and households. She stresses getting rid of clutter, developing healthy habits, and making household chores into quick and relatively effortless routines. She is a cheerleader for you when you are hard on yourself for your "failures". I had adopted many of her methods a few years ago, but I have gradually let one thing after another slide.
I don't know what the trigger is when I decide to change something big. What about you? What makes anyone decide to do better at something? Why quit smoking? Eat more nutritiously? Get regular exercise? Maybe I'm just being a late bloomer. Again. I didn't (and never do) make out New Year's resolutions. But maybe they have been percolating in the back of my brain. Maybe because of the beginning of Lent? I've never committed to a Lenten sacrifice, although as a Lutheran, I do observe Lent. I considered giving up chocolate, or sweets. But I must admit, I feared failure, as I am surrounded by temptations as we entertained international clients last week, and have more arriving this week. I have a terrible sweet tooth, and I know that giving up sweets would be a very effective sacrifice. But I also really think you have to have your mind very focused on why you are doing it, and right now, I think I would be doing it to impress myself with how "good" I can be. Which, besides missing the point of making a sacrifice, is a set-up to beat myself up should I give in to temptation, and be "bad". So I am not going there this year.

So that's where my head has been in the last few days. Thinking about busyness, clutter, Lent, and doing a better job taking care of myself, my family and our home.

Well, that and wishing the temperature would get colder so I could get outside and go skating at the outdoor skating rink.

Slouching toward 2010!

Well, I'll start out by saying that I have nothing brilliant, profound or poignant to say about 2009 finally being over and 2010 here to bring us what it may.

We have had a fairly quiet pair of holidays with some much-needed rest in between.

2009 has left me weary. I have suffered loss this year, more than any other year in my life so far. I am also aware that my losses this year pale in comparison to those suffered by other people. It has been an eye-opener for me. I feel like I have been living a very naive life. Or maybe a life of denial.

In early November, my oldest son went on a spiritual retreat with classmates. He goes to a Jesuit high school, and so it is not as strange as it may sound. He was away for 4 nights and 3 days and the students participated in small groups where they talked about many things, including their hurts and anxieties, and what they fear and what they try to hide from others. It is very emotional to open up to others and for some, it becomes the first step to getting some much needed help. It also becomes a way for the classmates to become true friends. They open up, they trust, they give support and show unconditional love for each other. Barriers come down. They learn that the person they thought was a snob is really just lonely and shy. The prickly kid is angry and wounded. The distant classmate is coping the best he can. They also learn how to reach out and help. The secrets they tell remain secret within the group. After the retreat, when they see each other in class or pass in the hall, it means so much more when one offers: "How's it goin', dude?". My son tells me the experience gave him a more forgiving view of people. The perspective that people are carrying burdens that we can't always see, and that kindness and forbearance are in order for those who seem unapproachable or unloveable.

The experience was a great catalyst for discussions he and I have had. And it gave me pause to think about my year.

In mid-December, my great-aunt died. She was 87 and had suffered dementia for at least 5 years. At the funeral reception, I visited briefly with my mother's cousin (my great-aunt's daughter, follow me), who really is only a few years older than I. She had lost her father a few years ago, and had been veeeery close with her mother. In her time of loss, she came to me and reached out to me about the loss of my father last April. It meant so much to me. It's hard to explain. Since I lost Dad, I feel more of an urgency to extend sympathy to people who are grieving. Don't get me wrong, I've never lacked sympathy. I guess it's only honest to say that my expressions of sympathy have been strained. I found it difficult, unpleasant to do. I always felt wholly inadequate; I knew that nothing I could say could mitigate their suffering. What I didn't know was just that acknowledging their loss was a comfort. Now I know that offering very simple words of comfort are best, and valuable. "I am so sorry for your loss." "I know you loved him/her very much." "This is such a hard time for you." I especially loved when people told me they loved my Dad too. I'm weeping now to remember my Dad's cousin Harley tell stories of them growing up together. Stories I'd never heard, but which ring true to my Dad's personality and character.

So, all in all, I guess I'm saying 2009 hasn't been all fun and games, and that I'm trying to put the difficulties into perspective, and move forward a better person.

Here's to 2010!

(Clip art courtesy of The Graphics Fairy.)